Six Unconventional Ways to Deal with Stress

With a tanking economy, rising unemployment, and a surge in foreclosure rates, everyone’s feeling a little stressed out these days.  If you’re feeling a overwhelmed, I’m offered six unconventional coping mechanisms to get you through these hard times.  These stress busters may not be “healthy” or “normal”, but at least they work!

Get Physical
Many so-called “experts” suggest that going to a gym is a great way to relieve stress.  They must think that money grows on trees.  The fact is that gym memberships are expensive.  Not to mention that adding another item to your to-do list will lead to even more stress.  Ever try to get out of a gym membership?  Stressful!

Instead of paying money to exercise, try breaking something.  Smash your TV, throw a brick through someone’s window, or throw a book across the room.  You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel after physically releasing the pressure that built up inside you.  As long as you only break inanimate objects, you are not really hurting anybody.

Tobacco
There’s a reason why cigarettes have been around for hundreds of years –they work to relieve stress!  Why else would millions of Americans light up every day, knowing damn well about the health risks?  Stress is also bad for your health, so you might as well join the bandwagon and light up.  Smoking really does look cool, so make sure you do it in front of as many children as possible, so they know exactly how cool you are.

If you don’t smoke, start.  Not only will it chill you out, but you will also lose weight -which will make you happier!

Write An Angry Letter, Then Send It (Instead of Deleting It)
Hack advice columnists like Dr. Phil suggest that if someone upsets you, it can be therapeutic to write a nasty email to that person -then deleting it before you click the send button.  The problem with this is that your emotions will bottle up inside if you don’t send that letter.

It is better to let your boss/child/significant other know exactly how much of a soul-sucking jerk they really are, so the rage doesn’t snowball.  Send the letter –don’t be a wimp.  If you don’t send it, why waste your time writing it in the first place?

Re-direct your Hostility
If you’re too much of a wuss to tell your boss what you’re thinking, consider redirecting your rage at your partner.  You’ll feel much better after you yell, and won’t risk getting fired.  After all, this is what significant others are there for -to put up with your bullshit during good times and bad.

Play with a Puppy
I’m not advising you to ever physically hurt an animal (as fun as it sounds, that would be illegal), but if you haven’t noticed, puppies make really cute faces when they are sad.  Try waving a treat around a puppy’s face to get it all excited.  Then put the treat back in the container.  Those cute, sad puppy-dog eyes will cheer you up from even the most venomous moods.

Treat Yourself to McDonalds
Go to McDonalds and place a very specific custom order.  When the staff inevitably screws up, flip out on them and demand to talk to a manager.  McDonalds employees are at the bottom of the economic food chain, and there is little they can do to argue.    Most of them are immigrants (or single mothers) that are too afraid about losing their job to fight back.  Trust me, you’ll feel powerful.

There is always a McDonalds nearby, so there is never a shortage of peons to berate.  If you’re lucky, the manager may even give you a free ice cream to calm you down.  Who doesn’t like ice cream?