Budgeting tips for the uber-wealthy…

Now that Barack Obama will be President, a lot of Wall Street CEO’s are worried about how to make ends meet now that they’ll pay a little more in taxes.

These CEO’s worked hard to drive their companies into bankruptcy, and it’s a shame that the government wants to “spread the wealth around” to the laziest 95% of Americans.  For the CEO’s that can’t just say “fuck it” and move to Dubai, I offer these great budgeting tips for the uber-wealthy that won’t make you feel like a middle-class peon:

Limopool to work.
Do you live near another CEO that takes a limo to work every day?  Why not limopool to work, switching drivers every other day?  You’ll both save money –and you might even make a new business partner!

Use a shopping list –and stick to it!
It’s easy to get carried away at Saks Fifth Avenue’s –with their huge selection of $2,395 Armani Blazers and $8,575 watches, even the most frugal CEO can get tempted.  Here’s a trick the poor have used for generations –if you bring a specific list of the luxury goods you want to purchase, you’ll be less likely to succumb to impulse buys.  Then you’ll be sure to only buy the $2,000 suitcases you actually need.

No more $175 cheeseburgers.
This is going to be a tough one, but the days of buying $175 burgers with real gold flecks in them are gone.  Have one of your personal assistants shop around a little -you’d be surprised to find a few places sell bargain cheeseburgers for as low as $125!  That’s the kind of savings your investors would be proud of!

Downgrade from a yacht to a sailboat.
With gas prices being so high, it’s more expensive than ever to take your yacht to the Hamptons.  Why not consider switching to a sailboat?  The guys at the country club might make fun of you, but you’ll save money on gas.  As an extra bonus, you can pretend it’s because you care about the environment -even though your company dumps toxic chemicals into the water!

Hire an American nanny instead of a British nanny
It’s great to have a nanny that sounds like a character from Harry Potter films, but it’s expensive to pay your British nanny in Pounds -especially considering the dollar’s weak exchange rate.  Why not consider hiring a Southern nanny?  Their accents aren’t quite as cool, but your kids can pretend that they’re characters from the Beverly Hillbillies –and they cost a fraction of the price

Trade in your diamond-encrusted Mercedes…
…For a cubic-zirconium encrusted Mercedes.  No one will know the difference –and contrary to popular belief, you’ll still be able to get from point A to point B.

Get your cosmetic surgery done overseas.
Plastic surgery is expensive –why not get it done next time you’re doing business in a third world country?  There are plenty of good doctors that are willing to leave their dirty, overcrowded health clinics so they can perform cosmetic surgery on you –at a fraction of the cost of getting it done in the United States!  You can buy an entire nation’s water supply and get a new nose on the same trip!